{"id":3796,"date":"2022-09-16T11:13:13","date_gmt":"2022-09-16T11:13:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/?p=3796"},"modified":"2022-09-16T11:13:15","modified_gmt":"2022-09-16T11:13:15","slug":"the-power-of-counting-kindness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/the-power-of-counting-kindness\/","title":{"rendered":"The power of counting kindness"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"683\" data-src=\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"Dark haired woman with eyes closed, smiling, with her hands on her heart.\" class=\"wp-image-3798 lazyload\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-1800x1200.jpg 1800w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-1200x800.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-2048x1365.jpg 2048w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 1024px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 1024\/683;\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"683\" src=\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"Dark haired woman with eyes closed, smiling, with her hands on her heart.\" class=\"wp-image-3798\" srcset=\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-1800x1200.jpg 1800w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-1200x800.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342-2048x1365.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/noscript><figcaption>image: iStock \/ Getty<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Seventy one female students were once asked to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC1820947\/\">count how often they were kind<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, they weren\u2019t asked to be kind on purpose. In fact, they weren\u2019t asked to be any different at all from their normal selves. They were simply asked to make a note of those times when their behaviour was kind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So if she paid someone a kind compliment, the student would note it down in her diary, including specifically what she\u2019d said and the response of the person. If she bought a gift for someone, she would note the kind act as well as what the gift was. They did this each day for a week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At the beginning of the week and then again at the end, their happiness scores were measured and compared with a control group of 48 randomly selected female students.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>All 71 of them had become happier than they were at the start of the week, and happier than the control group.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, several studies have shown that being kind makes us happier. That\u2019s well known now. But those studies typically ask people to go out and be kind on purpose.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, they might ask people to do a set number of acts of kindness over a day or a week and their happiness is measured before and after.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Or they might give people some money and invite them to either spend it on others or spend it on themselves, <a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/18356530\/\">as scientists at the University of British Columbia did<\/a> when they gave 632 people either $5 or $20 at the start of the day. They found that those who spent the money on others were happier at the end of the day than those who had spent it on themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But this was different. The psychologists leading this study asked the women to be themselves, but just to observe when, in being themselves, it happened that they said or did something kind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It was an observational study of themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And it turned out that noticing when you\u2019re kind actually makes you happier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But there was something else within the results that generated some interest in the study. Twenty-one of the women (about a third) became not just happier, but&nbsp;<em>much happier<\/em>. Significantly so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What happened there?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Well, a few things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First, the researchers found that those women had done more acts of kindness on average than the rest. Second, they found that those women also felt more grateful about the experience of being kind and counting their kindness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I would add a third factor, which wasn\u2019t measured in the study, but which I\u2019ve come across in my observations and research for writing (so far) <a href=\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/books\/\">3 books<\/a> covering studies on kindness and <a href=\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/books\/\">one book on self esteem.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Consider what would go through your mind as you fill out a diary with all your kindnesses. You can\u2019t fail to notice the number of times you bring smiles to people\u2019s faces and the momentary connection you feel as people smile and some express gratitude.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You\u2019re also forced to consider that you are a much nicer person than you thought you were, and that you make more of a difference in people\u2019s lives than you thought you did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Given these experiences, for those one third of the women, the act of counting their kindnesses probably lifted their self esteem, their core opinion of themselves and their perception of their own worth.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This, I think, probably also added to the significant increase in happiness they felt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why not try it out for yourself, even if just for a week.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Just keep a note as best you can of the things you say or do that are kind. Note what they are and even the responses of the people you help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>See how you get on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Seventy one female students were once asked to count how often they were kind. Now, they weren\u2019t asked to be kind on purpose. In fact, they weren\u2019t asked to be any different at all from their normal selves. They were simply asked to make a note of those times when their behaviour was kind. So&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":3798,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,34],"tags":[58,49,33],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The power of counting kindness - David R Hamilton PHD<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"image: iStock \/ Getty Seventy one female students were once asked to count how often they were kind. Now, they weren\u2019t asked to be kind on purpose. In\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/the-power-of-counting-kindness\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The power of counting kindness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Seventy one female students were once asked to count how often each day they said or did something kind.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/the-power-of-counting-kindness\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"David R Hamilton PHD\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-09-16T11:13:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-09-16T11:13:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2121\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1414\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"David Hamilton\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"The power of counting kindness\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"Seventy one female students were once asked to count how often each day they said or did something kind.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image\" content=\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"David Hamilton\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/the-power-of-counting-kindness\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/the-power-of-counting-kindness\/\",\"name\":\"The power of counting kindness - David R Hamilton PHD\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/the-power-of-counting-kindness\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/the-power-of-counting-kindness\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/gratitude_iStock-1313653342.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-09-16T11:13:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-09-16T11:13:15+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/drdavidhamilton.com\/#\/schema\/person\/e586fb83860db4f70db4bc10ec3cc7d3\"},\"description\":\"image: iStock \/ Getty Seventy one female students were once asked to count how often they were kind. 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