How do you win in life without throwing others under the bus? Here’s some thoughts:
1. What’s winning anyway?
We need to start by redefining winning. We don’t need to view success as defeating others. There’s achieving while helping others do so too. Think of it as reaching the finish line hand-in-hand with others. Teamwork makes the dream work, as they say, right? And how about the dream is making the world a brighter place?
2. Walk in their shoes
Practice empathy – try getting a feel for where others are coming from. It makes the journey a lot more fun and a lot less bumpy.
3. Talk the talk
Honesty is golden, but being kind while you’re at it – that’s platinum. Listen more, chat with heart, and remember that everyone’s got a story.
4. Pick your playgrounds
Not every disagreement is a duel at dawn. Sometimes it’s cool to just agree to disagree and grab a coffee together afterward.
5. Be the gift that keeps on giving
Instead of always asking, “What’s in it for me?”, think about how you can sprinkle a bit of joy around. Ask, “What can I give? How can I help?”
6. Be the change
If you want the world, your place of work, or your community to be kinder, start with yoursellf. Be the role model for the kindness and integrity you seek. Others will catch on, and before you know it, kindness will be the new black.
7. Friends before trophies
Sure, that gold star is shiny, but the glow of good friendships last a lifetime. Winning at the expense of a relationship can be a hollow victory, while maintaining good relationships will create more opportunities in the future.
8. Stick to your guns (but keep them friendly)
It’s great to win, but if you’re bending your moral compass to get there, you might end up lost. Integrity in the long run is valuable and is respected more than any single achievement.
9. Two winners are better than one
Screw zero-sum thinking (where one person’s gain is another person’s loss). Look for the solution where everyone gets a slice of the victory pie. Who doesn’t love pie anyway?
10. Cheer squad
Be the one who throws confetti when someone else shines. It’s fun, and there’s enough confetti for everyone.
11. Count your blessings
And while you’re at it, take time to remember all the people who helped you get where you are.
12. Oops! That wasn’t right…
And finally, let’s remember: we all f*ck up sometimes. Own it, laugh it off, make it right, and keep dancing.
In a nutshell? Winning’s great, but doing it with a big heart? Now that’s the real jackpot in life.
This blog is an excerpt from Chapter 6 of ‘The Joy of Actually Giving a F*ck’, which explores all the mental, physiological, and cultural benefits of kindness, as well as discussing ethical considerations, leadership challenges, and even how the practice of kindfulness makes you kinder. The style is light, witty, but science-backed and informative.
From the publisher: “It’s a great resource for individuals, companies, classrooms; it’s a talking point, a gift, or guidebook.” Check it out here.
Reviews
Dr Julie Smith (Sunday Times Bestselling author of ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?‘ and ‘Open When‘) says:
“The biggest influence on our wellbeing is each other. David reminds us that we get to choose the influence we have on each and every person we connect with. This book should be the thought for the day every single day.“
Donna Ashworth (Sunday Times Bestselling author of ‘I Wish I Knew‘, ‘Growing Brave‘, and ‘Wild Hope‘) says:
“David has a way of putting facts into fiction and science into soul food. I use his writings daily to bring backbone and clarification to my own inner musings and beliefs. This book is a must read if self-growth is your bag.”
Thanks for these reminders. Sometimes it’s automatic to take a narrow view instead of one that is more open and expansive!