This week’s Better You, Backed by Science is about what happens when you share good news.
We all know what it’s like to be there for someone’s pain. We call it empathy. And you may have heard the phrase, “A problem shared is a problem halved.”
But can you also be there for someone’s joy? If so, studies show it’s more a case of, “A joy shared is a joy doubled.”
Researchers call it capitalisation.
Capitalisation
Capitalisation happens when something good occurs and we share that positive experience with someone else.
Like something went really well at work. Or you’ve booked a holiday. Your child achieved something they’re proud of. Or perhaps something tiny happened that simply made you smile.
Who’s the first person you instinctively want to tell? And why?
And here’s the interesting part. Research suggests that sharing good news can increase the positive feelings associated with the experience beyond the effect of the event itself. In other words, something good happens. We feel good.
Then we tell someone about it. And somehow we get to enjoy a little more of the goodness. We get two lifts from the same event. A joy shared is a joy doubled.
But there’s a second part to capitalisation that I particularly love. How the other person responds matters.
Psychologists have studied different ways we respond when someone shares good news with us. The response associated with the greatest benefits is known as an active-constructive response.
Active-Constructive
Imagine a friend tells you they’ve just been offered a new job they’re really excited about. You could say: “That’s nice.” That’s positive. But fairly passive.
Or you could say: “That’s fantastic! I’m so pleased for you. When do you start? Tell me all about it!” Now you’re not simply acknowledging their happiness. You’re joining them in it. Your enthusiasm gives the experience somewhere to grow.
Now they get three lifts from the same event (it happens, they share it with you, and your response lifts them again) and you get a lift too by being happy for them.
Research has linked this kind of response with greater positive emotion and with qualities such as intimacy and relationship satisfaction. I personally find that rather sweet.
It doesn’t cost anything to be happy for people.
We spend a lot of time talking about how important it is to be there for people when things go wrong. And, of course, it is. But perhaps relationships are also built in the moments when things go right.
Try This
So here’s something to try this week.
When something good happens to you – even something small – tell someone who you know will be pleased for you.
And when someone shares their good news with you, don’t just acknowledge it.
Step into their happiness for a moment.
- Ask a question.
- Show your enthusiasm.
- Let them tell you more.
- Help them savour it.
Because happiness doesn’t always have to stop with the person it happened to. Sometimes, when we share it, we give it room to grow.
References
Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., Impett, E. A., & Asher, E. R. (2004). What do you do when things go right? The intrapersonal and interpersonal benefits of sharing positive events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(2), 228–245. Link.
Reis, H. T., Smith, S. M., Carmichael, C. L., et al. (2010). Are you happy for me? How sharing positive events with others provides personal and interpersonal benefits. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99(2), 311–329. Link.
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