Want to feel happier? Be happy for other people.
Sounds counterintuitive, right?
But it’s real. It even has a name: Confelicity.
The word derives from the Latin con (with) and felicitas (happiness). It literally means shared happiness.
When you’re genuinely happy for someone else – their good fortune, their promotion, engagement, or even just a lucky break – something beautiful happens: you share in the happiness.
Your brain mirrors it. You feel it too.
The opposite also has a name: Schadenfreude – a German word made up of Schaden (harm) and Freude (joy). It’s when we feel secretly pleased when things go badly for others, or we feel irritated at their success.
But here’s the thing:
While schadenfreude might give us a momentary lift, over time, it tends to pull us down.
It’s a kind of emotional junk food – satisfying in the moment, but not good for the soul.
Confelicity is different. It lifts us up.
Confelicity and Empathy
Confelicity is like the joyful twin of empathy.
We usually think of empathy as feeling someone’s pain. But empathy has a positive side too – when we share in someone’s joy, it’s called positive empathy or sympathetic joy.
You could say that positive empathy shares in someone’s joy, while confelicity also delights in the reason for their joy.
And there’s science behind it.
Research shows that sharing in each other’s happiness and what brought it strengthens relationships – especially when we express it out loud.
Try this:
–Reflect on something good that’s happened for someone you know. Now, take a few minutes to feel genuinely happy for them. Let yourself share in their joy.
–Send a message. A simple, “I’m so happy for you,” “Well done,” or “Rooting for you” goes a long way.
–Watch a competition (if you’re a tennis fan, Wimbledon’s on). Instead of picking a side, appreciate the skill, effort, dedication of both players (or teams). Be happy for whoever wins.
References (if you’re curious):
Positive empathy in relationships – Sage Journals
Want to go deeper?
Here’s a short video on my YouTube channel where I talk more about confelicity and how it rewires your brain for joy.
Want to read more like this? Subscribe to my Better You, Backed by Science weekly email (sends every Wednesday)