How you define yourself can help you change or achieve. That’s the subject of this week’s Better You, Backed by Science.
Most of us try to change our behaviour by focusing on outcomes.
I want to get fitter.
I want to write more.
I want to be kinder, calmer, more present.
So we set goals.
We make plans.
We try to push ourselves to follow through.
And sometimes it works… for a while.
But often, it doesn’t last. You may have noticed that.
Why?
Because there’s something deeper at play – something the science of behaviour change is increasingly pointing toward:
Lasting change is less about what you do… and more about who you believe you are.
Let me explain.
The Science Bit
Psychologists have found that behaviours linked to identity are far more stable than those driven purely by outcomes.
In other words:
- “I’m trying to run” is fragile
- “I’m a runner” is durable
This taps into something called self-concept… your internal sense of who you are.
Once a behaviour becomes part of your identity, your brain starts to favour consistency with that identity. Acting in alignment feels natural. Acting against it feels uncomfortable.
So instead of relying on motivation (which comes and goes), you’re leaning on identity – and this tends to stick.
Why This Matters
It explains a lot of everyday struggles.
If you’re trying to:
- exercise more, but don’t see yourself as “someone who exercises”
- speak up more, but don’t see yourself as “a confident person”
- prioritise rest, but you see yourself as “someone who always pushes through”
…then every action feels like an uphill climb.
But shift the identity – even slightly – and behaviour often begins to follow.
Not perfectly. Not instantly.
But more naturally.
So how do we make the shift?
A Simple Shift That Changes Everything
Instead of asking:
“What do I need to do?” (e.g., “I need to exercise more.”)
Try asking:
“Who am I becoming?” (i.e., “I am the type of person who enjoys exercise.”)
And then take a small step that aligns with that identity.
Try This Today
Pick one goal you care about.
Now rewrite it as an identity. E.g.:
“I want to exercise more” → “I am someone who moves my body regularly”
“I want to be kinder” → “I am the type of person who looks for ways to help”
“I want to write more” → “I am a writer”
Now – just once today – act in alignment with that identity. And then remind yourself you’re doing it because you’re that type of person. In other words, if you take the action of doing some writing today, affirm to yourself it’s because you’re a writer.
That’s it. No pressure to overhaul your life.
Just one small, identity-consistent action.
Because every time you act in line with that identity, you’re casting a vote for the kind of person you are becoming.
The Deeper Truth
We often think:
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
But behaviour change often works the other way around:
“You’ll see it when you start to believe it – and act accordingly.”
References (for those who wish to explore further)
Daphna Oyserman (2009). Identity-based motivation and consumer behavior. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 19(3), 250–260. Link.
Daphna Oyserman (2015). Identity-based motivation. Link.
I’d also recommend the book, Atomic Habits, by James Clear. It’s a popular synthesis of identity-based habit change research. Link.
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