Self-love. It’s a term that gets thrown around a lot—plastered on social media, printed on t-shirts, and whispered in self-care circles. But too often, it’s portrayed as something soft, indulgent, even passive.
A bubble bath here, a scented candle there. While those things can be wonderful, real self-love runs much deeper—and it’s far from flimsy. In fact, true self-love is fierce. It’s an act of strength, courage, and resilience.
The Misconception of Self-Love as Soft
Somewhere along the way, self-love got a reputation for being all about ease, comfort, and treating yourself. And while there’s nothing wrong with a little indulgence, self-love isn’t just about feeling good in the moment—it’s about standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, and making choices that serve your long-term well-being. It requires honesty, self-discipline, and sometimes, tough love.
The Fierce Side of Self-Love
Real self-love isn’t about avoiding discomfort; it’s about facing it. It’s about:
– Setting boundaries – Saying no when something doesn’t align with your values or well-being.
– Holding yourself accountable – Recognizing when you need to make changes and having the courage to do so.
– Advocating for yourself – Asking for what you need, whether in relationships, the workplace, or your personal life.
– Walking away from toxicity – Whether it’s a harmful relationship, a draining job, or even your own self-doubt, fierce self-love means knowing when to let go.
– Owning your worth – Not waiting for external validation, but recognizing your own value, even when the world tries to tell you otherwise.
Self-Love as a Revolutionary Act
When there’s so much in the world that profits from your self-doubt—where industries thrive on making you feel “not enough”—choosing self-love is a radical act. It’s a rejection of the messages that tell you to be smaller, quieter, less demanding. It’s deciding to take up space, to be unapologetically yourself, and to demand the same kindness from yourself that you would give to others.
The Balance of Kindness and Strength
True self-love is a balance of compassion and strength. It’s being kind to yourself, but also being willing to do the hard work—whether that’s healing, growth, or stepping into your power. It’s about recognizing that loving yourself doesn’t mean avoiding challenges; it means facing them head-on with the belief that you are worth the effort.
A Call to Action: Embrace Fierce Self-Love
So today, on International Self-Love Day, let’s move beyond the clichés. Let’s redefine self-love as something bold, resilient, and, yes, fierce. Love yourself enough to make the tough choices. Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Love yourself enough to step fully into your worth.
Because self-love isn’t about escaping reality—it’s about shaping it. And that? That takes courage.
Resources
For science-backed self love strategies, my book ‘I Heart Me: The Science of Self Love‘ might be helpful.
I also have a chapter on self-kindness, and why self-kindness can be fierce in my book, ‘The Joy of Actually Giving a Fck‘.
Thank you so very much! You’ve no idea how badly I needed to hear this.
I’m so pleased it’s arrived at the right time for you, Barbara.
Love this and all so very true….love yourself and know your worth….❤️
Thank you for this lovely reminder. How to remember this every day… every minute of every day… when self hate has been so much a part of life. it has taken me years to realize I need to stop fixing myself and accept and love myself enough. After years of EFT having to say I choose to love and accept myself only recently realising I was battling with self hate. So despite many years of self development…I am beginning to accept myself and love myself. This ‘self love’ day.. 13th is lucky… your reminder is part of that luck…and perhaps St Valentine will bless me tomorrow with meeting someone who will love and accept me.
THAT FEELING OF BEING IN LOVE
WHICH WE ALL SEEM TO NEED
…WE GO AROUND SEARCHING FOR
THAT COMPELS US LIKE A GREED
WE LOOK OUTSIDE EVERYWHERE
CONSTANTLY FEELING A LACK
WISHING FOR THE SPECIAL ONE
THAT WILL BRING THE FEELING BACK
THAT FEELING OF BEING IN LOVE
WE’VE FORGOTTEN IS RIGHT HERE
HIDDEN UNDER THE DUSTY LAYERS
…BENEATH THE PAIN AND FEAR
SO INSTEAD OF OUT, LOOK DEEP INSIDE
LET LOVE PERMEATE AND GROW
THEN YOU’LL FEEL IN LOVE
WITH THE YOU …YOU COME TO KNOW
THAT FEELING OF BEING IN LOVE
CAN BE HERE EVERY DAY
AND CAN CARRY YOU HAPPILY
EACH PATH…ON YOUR WAY
JUST SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD
TO KNOW THAT IT IS TRUE
…YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE IN LOVE
WITH ANYONE BUT YOU!
…Thanks again!
Thank you so much, your messages are wonderful and comforting!
Thanks Hannah for your kind words.
Thank you! I love listening to your books and your calming, heart warming voice.
Self love is so important and is an on going thing as you get older. I used to tell my husband , you must love yourself but he found it a terrible concept, he believed it was about ego, but slowly, slowly he is finding it and with self love has brought a kindness, a gentleness and understanding. I never thought it would happen and we are even closer.
Thank you once again for your fabulous mindset and keep sharing. I hope one day I will get to one of your seminars.
Sending lots of love to all x
So well put David and proactive.
What a great article, thank you.
Thank you SO MUCH!!
Everything I read of yours feels authentic…and because I watched the kindness challenge videos I can actually hear your voice as I read.
I’m working on growing more self love….embracing the idea of being perfectly imperfect more and more all the time. Thank you for finding your calling, there are a lot of us who are benefiting from all you share.
Hope your event goes well tonight!
WOW! I love how you said self love is, “far from flimsy. In fact, true self-love is fierce. It’s an act of strength, courage, and resilience”. I needed to hear that! Thank you! xoxo
Thank you David. Since doing your 21 day Kindness challenge and reading your wonderful expression of all things that truly matter adds a beautiful contribution to my life x
Thank you David, your wisdom is heartfelt. Since doing your 21 day Kindness challenge and reading your wonderful expression of all things that truly matter adds a beautiful contribution to my life x
I just finished “Why woo woo Works” and joined your newsletter site. It is so heartwarming to connect with kindred spirits, sharing the cool stuff spirit blesses us with. I’m a HeartMath certified trainer so I especially loved your references to HM! Continued blessings from my heart to yours, Kayt Senn-Grilliot
Great list of what this looks like in action! Thank you
Dear Dr. David,
Many, many thanks for all the good you have sent out into the world. I have been reading your books and following you for many years and always look forward to seeing and reading the Daily Boosts. I loved the 21 Day Challenge. You have helped me to become a kinder, happier and caring person. Your ripple has certainly come my way..Sending you love, hugs and blessings.
Thank you David, very timely.
Why is self-love considered a bold and courageous act in today’s society?
This is such an empowering take on self-love! The idea that true self-love goes beyond just indulgence and pampering is incredibly important. It’s about making the tough decisions, setting boundaries, and advocating for yourself. Loving yourself is not about avoiding discomfort, but facing it with strength and resilience. It’s a reminder that self-love isn’t passive—it’s an active, courageous practice that involves growth, accountability, and recognizing your own worth. In a world that often thrives on self-doubt, choosing to love yourself fiercely is indeed revolutionary.
Good Information
Regards, Unissula