Close up of hands on top of one another. We see a father’s palm, a mother’s on top of it, then the palm of a young child, and a baby’s palm on top.
Why Tiny Moments Become Life’s Biggest Memories
This week’s Better You, Backed by Science is about little moments.
I send a daily inspirational email called the ‘Daily Boost’ (you can check it out and sign up here if you want to receive it).
One that seemed to land particularly well was about paying attention to the little moments in our lives, because there eventually comes a time when we realise that they were, in fact, the big moments.
So I thought I’d expand on it and share the science behind it in this week’s Better You, Backed by Science.
Imagine someone asked you to tell the story of your life.
You probably wouldn’t describe every day, would you?
Instead, you’d recall moments.
Maybe your first day at school?
The first date you went on?
A holiday that made you laugh until your stomach hurt?
I have a very strong memory of the moment the final year university exam results were posted on the notice board. I fell back with a mixture of both joy and relief that I’d gained a first-class honours degree.
For you, maybe it’s the moment you first held your child… or stood on a mountain… or watched a beautiful sunset.
The point is, our lives are stored in our memories as moments, not as a continuous film with each frame the same size. We rarely remember the days before or after them.
The brain remembers the moments that captured our attention and carried emotional meaning.
In other words, memory isn’t just about what happened.
It’s about what we noticed.
Emotion as a Highlighter
Psychologists have found that emotion acts a bit like a highlighter pen for memory. Moments that make us laugh, pause, wonder, or feel connected are much more likely to be stored. Novel experiences also stand out because the brain pays them more attention.
Which means something quite amazing.
Many of the moments that eventually become “the story of your life” are tiny.
For example, I remember writing my first book in the middle of the night, a candle burning, soft music playing, drinking coffee, as this was the only time I could find to write. That memory is stronger than my memory of the book being published or how many copies it sold.
Another tiny moment might be a dog lying beside you as you work. One of mine! And is happening right now as I write this.
Or the sound of birds early in the morning.
A shaft of sunlight breaking through the clouds.
A child saying something unexpectedly wise.
Hearing a song you haven’t heard for years.
I think this is important to realise, because most of us spend our lives waiting for something. And then the next something. And then the next.
But science suggests that our memories – and maybe our happiness – are often built from the small moments. The ones that made us smile.
There’s another interesting twist to this.
The Importance of Noticing
Attention is the gateway to memory.
If we don’t notice something, there’s a good chance it won’t become part of our remembered life.
So perhaps living well isn’t only about having more wonderful experiences.
Maybe it’s also about noticing more of the wonderful experiences we’re already having. Especially the seemingly little ones.
So pay attention to these little moments. Because we don’t remember our lives.
We remember the moments we noticed while we were living them.
Try This
Here’s something to try this week.
Before you go to bed each evening, write down just one moment from your day that felt worth remembering.
Not the biggest achievement.
Not the most productive thing you did.
Just one moment.
It might only take a sentence.
Over time, something interesting begins to happen.
You don’t just become better at remembering the good moments.
You become better at noticing them while they’re happening.
And that, my friend, may be one of the simplest ways to begin experiencing a richer life.
Because in the end, we don’t remember every day.
We remember the moments that made the day worth remembering.
References (for those who wish to explore further)
1) Emotional memories are remembered better.
Cahill, L., & McGaugh, J. L. (1995). A novel demonstration of enhanced memory associated with emotional arousal. Consciousness and Cognition, 4(4), 410–421. link.
2) How we only remember what gets our attention.
Simons, D. J., & Chabris, C. F. (1999). Gorillas in our midst: Sustained inattentional blindness for dynamic events. Perception, 28, 1059–1074. Link.
3) Days blur together, but unusual moments stand out.
Fenker, D. B., et al. (2008). Novel scenes improve recollection and recall of words. Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, 20(7), 1250–1265. Link.
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